Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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