My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
