I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
