Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
