i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize