We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
