I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
