Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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