i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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