i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize