sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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