Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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