Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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