It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
