you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
