I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
