My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
false alarm. still invincible.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
