living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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