What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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