yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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