I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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