Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
