I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
