i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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