This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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