exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
