I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
