Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
