Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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