Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
