Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im holly from the hills drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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