You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
