just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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