I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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