fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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