You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
