so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
