she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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