I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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