Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
