My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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