God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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