that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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