you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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