Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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