I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
