I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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