There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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