When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
