He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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