I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
