Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
