i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
