So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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