i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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