What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
