Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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