every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
