wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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