Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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