I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
