Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
