In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
