Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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