So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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