mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
