Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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