looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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