omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
