I'm lost and stupid without you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
