Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
